Bikinis and Banana Hammocks

Okay people. Listen up!

***Bikini Fever is officially OVER!***

After three months of hard training and crazy strict dieting, I competed and went home with an amazing experience and some rockin abs under my belt.

I came. I saw. I posed.

I have never felt healthier and more adventurous in my life and when I think back to the competition day, I absolutely CANNOT believe I actually went through with it.

The day before the competition went like this:

1) Drive to LA and find host hotel for tanning. This was an experience in itself and definitely deserving of its own Blog post (to follow). Ay yi yi.

2) After tanning, drive to the hotel that I was staying in for check-in.

3) Drive back to host hotel and check-in for the competition with the other competitors.

4) Drive back to my hotel to wait for my husband. Prepare for a night of not-so-great rest (thanks tanning shalack).

5) Attempt to sleep in dark sheets and blankets from home and stress about damaging hotel linens with tanning gunk..

The day of the competition went like this:

1) Wake up at 5AM (eeeeeeeeeeeeek!) after sleeping like crud.

2) Drive to host hotel for hair and makeup at 6AM.

3) Leave for competition site at 7:45 for 8AM briefing.

4) Arrive at site at 8:15 and completely MISS 5 minute briefing.

5) Learn that my category of competitors will be LAST to be on stage.

6) Wonder why I got up at 5AM to be on stage at 3PM.

7) Go backstage for tanning touchup and clear skin glaze before going on stage.

8) Pre-judging starts at 3PM, which entails walking across stage and performing practiced poses in front of judges.

9) Leave the site for IN N OUT BURGER!!!!

10) Return to show site and remember that we had to be back on stage after a yummy Double Double. (oops)

11) Go backstage again for second tanning touch-up/glaze and try to suck in the cheeseburger belly.

12) Back on stage for judges to award trophies.

13) Try not to trip as I exit the stage in 5 inch stripper heels.

14) Eat chocolate cookies!!!

15) Back to our hotel for a glass of Red Wine and a Cheese Quesedilla. Heaven. Serious.

16) Sleep like a baby after washing off the orange concoction that had been smeared on me repeatedly all day long.

The day after the competition went like this:

1) Wake up whenever the hell I want to and not go to the gym at 6AM.

2) Meet sister-in-law for breakfast.

3) Order oatmeal and egg whites and throw in some bacon so I can feel human again.

4) Tummy ache. Bacon is not my friend.

5) Drive all the way home from LA and revel in the fact that I worked my butt off for 3 months and just completed a competition with serious athletes and contemplate doing it all over again for a March show. Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm.....

Confession Session...

Ok....so the official countdown to Bikini madness is FIVE DAYS! Whoo~hoo!!!

OMG! How did three months of blood, sweat and tears go by so quickly. Okay, I exaggerated just a tad. Technically I didn't bleed (unless you cound the scabs on my forearms from endless planks on the turf), but there were definitely a few tears (exhaustion will do that) and a TON of sweat.

So, with almost all of the training behind me and the INSANE diet almost done, I thought I would take some time to write a little confession of the things I did wrong during my training. My loooooooooon history of Catholic guilt compels me to do this once in awhile. :-) "Bless me, trainer, for I have sinned", or something like that.

Starting with my accomplishments will make me feel better, so let's start there:

Rule #1 - NO ALCOHOL - CHECK!!! I am not going to count the ONE glass of champagne that I had on my wedding anniversary. Three months with no booze actually feels pretty good, though it did put a tiny damper on the social life.

Rule #2 - EAT 6 TIMES A DAY - CHECK!!! I followed that crazy diet exactly, even with a road trip to Vegas in the mix. Next week, I might break up with Chicken and broccoli for awhile. It's not you, it's me.

Rule #3 - DRINK LOTS OF WATER - CHECK!!! 1 Gallon of water everyday will melt pounds off like magic! I resurrected my size 28 FAVORITE jeans thanks to all that water. I think I have forgotten what soda even tastes like.

Rule #4 - WEIGHT CLASSES 3 TIMES A WEEK - CHECK!!! I came, I saw, I lifted. And when I got home, I whined, complained and stretched. Pushing myself there was a definitely a good choice. Welcome, buns of steel.

Now for the good stuff....

Rule #5 - 6AM CARDIO - I'll give myself a 1/2 a check here. Yes, I went to the gym many mornings at 6AM and yes, I was on that blasted stairmill/incline treadmill, but the effort could have been better. Most mornings I was there half asleep and completed 30 minutes instead of 45 due to boredom and my "I'm not a morning person"-itis. It's clearly incurable.

Rule #6 - PM CARDIO - I'll give myself 1/2 here as well. I will blame Thanksgiving (lack of gym while travelling) and my lazy arse for hitting these sessions only 90% of the time.

Ok, so maybe my confessions really aren't all that risque afterall. Maybe I just suck at cardio. I play soccer which requires quick thinking and lots of sprinting. It's a far cry from walking for 45 minutes on a treadmill pretending that 6AM shows are riveting enough to amuse me. I tried books, my Ipod and every TV show known to man. It did give me energy in the morning, but it was very difficult to get through. A buddy would have been a better idea, but then again they would probably would have made me get out of bed on those days when I wanted to sleep forever. Maybe next time around.

With this bikini competition right around the corner, I am feeling pretty good. My bikini is cute, I feel good about the work I have put in and I feel healthy. Did I mention that I am wearing my old jeans?? There really is nothing better than having a tangible reward for months of dedication and hard work and those jeans are my reward. I can't wear a trophy and feel good about my body, but I can put those jeans on (which no longer threaten to cut off my circulation or make me look like a sausage) and remember why I took this journey in the first place. I wanted to feel better about the way I look and challenge myself physically.

Rule # 7 - CHALLENGE MYSELF PHYSICALLY IN WAYS I NEVER THOUGHT POSSIBLE AND ROCK MY FAVORITE OUTFITS AFTER...

CHECK!!!!

Bikinis, Extensions and Spray Tans, OH MY!

* What am I training for?

* Is it a Fitness competition?

* Will I be running and doing pushups on stage?

* It is timed?

* Am I on a team?

I'm going to make this one short and sweet. No confessions about feelings, no details about family and friends, no outlines of diets, workouts, etc. Just one short video to clear up the confusion. A visual aide, if you will.

Enjoy!

Brazilian Bikini Bottoms at the Gym??

What. The. Hell??

The countdown to the December 4th Bikini Fitness Competition is ON! That date is fast approaching and I am starting to feel STRESSED!

1. Have I followed the workout plan well enough?

2. Have I lost enough body fat?

3. Is my bikini cute enough?

4. Will the lighting on stage show every imperfection?

5. Will the judges like my ghetto bootie?

I have spent some time lately checking out pics of other girls who have competed in these competitions. They are CUT! They have booties that won't quit and abs you could do laundry on.

I'll insert gratuitous hot chick photos here:





I admire these women and despise them at the same time. How did they do it? I have been on this HARDCORE program for almost 3 months (without cheating) and my bootie is certainly not rock hard. My body has definitely changed for the better (hello muscles!!), but I am not yet sporting the INSANE bootie that some of these girls are rockin. Insert temporary insecurity here.

So, here I am with 17 days left and I am feeling intimated and nervous. What is going to boost my confidence?

1. Extra Cardio

2. More weight training?

3. Increase water intake?

4. I have no flippin idea.

The magical confidence booster I was looking for came in the form of a bikini fashion show at the gym...while lots of people were working out...and gawking...and drooling....and dropping weights. Sorry boys. We are just practicing for our show. It's all business. Don't mind us.

I arrived at the gym with 4 other girls for a posing lesson. Yes, I'm serious. We wore our bikinis, stripper heels and double dark tans and practiced front, back and side posing. The girls looked amazing and we were all feeling good. We learned lots of tricks to disguise imperfections. Part of it is illusion, but most of it is A$$ kicking in the gym for the last 3 months and I'm on track. It was an unexpected cure for all the self doubt I was having. Who knew that parading around in next to nothing in a gym full of people with 4 other super rocked girls would help? It was JUST what I needed. Brazilian bottom bikinis at the gym was just what I needed. Yes...I might be a little crazy. Maybe.

So, thank you to the amazing ladies who are right there with me. Thank you for being nervous, being honest and having real bodies. Thank for being positive, encouraging and TOUGH! You are all beautiful women and I can't wait to share this incredible end to an insanely challenging journey.

Father's Day in November

Yesterday was my Dad's 61st birthday. When I called him in the morning, his voice was chipper as he asked how my day was going and how I was enjoying the training program. I mentioned that I had hit the gym at 6AM to do my normal, AM cardio. Dad (who has always been one of those weirdo morning people) explained that at 6AM, he was just getting up to feed the dogs and clean that house. At that moment, perspective kicked in. Guilt? Anxiety? Concern? Fear? Relief?

My dad has had a challenging year, to say the least. He had a major stroke in April that has left his speech slightly affected. He had the stroke a few weeks before he was supposed to have heart-valve replacement surgery. The surgery was a huge priority, but the stroke damage meant that the surgery had to be delayed. The valve was eventually replaced in May and he was feeling great. He was kicking my keister in the pool (I have never been able to out swim his old arse) and he was feeling better than he had in years.

And then the strokes came back.

Dad has been on blood thinners since his first valve replacement 20 years ago and regulating the blood levels has always been a challenge. When the blood is too think (or normal to us) and there is a synthetic heart valve, the blood clots around the valve as a means of protecting the body from the foreign object. When the clots around the heart valve loosen, they travel to the brain, resulting in a stroke. Preventing the clots is almost impossible, but they can be managed with blood-thinning medication.

Growing up, I learned a lot about strokes and how they can vary in intensity. I watched countless times as Dad's face would turn red in mid-sentence and he would utter some random thought that really didn't have anything to do with anything. Confusion often times accompanies strokes and poor dad's confusion and disorientation accompanied these small episodes without warning.

In August, Dad had another major stroke that also included a seizure. That's a new one. He had no history of seizures and his new heart valve was working great. Or so we thought. The doctors still don't really know what is causing seizures, but he is on an arsenal of medication to combat them.

So, there I was, chatting with dear old Dad on his birthday and a few feelings came to mind:

1 - Guilt - I was on a treadmill when Dad was just happy to be seeing another day.

2 - Relief - Dad made it to see another birthday. Yay!

3 - Anger - Dear Big Guy upstairs: Can you give the poor guy a break?? Seriously. For Reals.

4 - Anxiety - When is Dad going to have another big stroke?

5 - Calm - I am thankful each day that I get to talk to my Dad.

I was a TOTAL tomboy growing up. I was glued to my dad and followed him everywhere. He indulged me in my "need" for soccer balls, go-carts and wooden stilts to walk around in the yard. He never missed a soccer game and has read every single paper I have ever written. A published writer himself, he critiqued my work with a writer's eye that often resulted in 5 or more rewrites. And much to mom's chagrin, Dad NEVER made me brush my hair or make my bed. I love the pictures of me at 5 years old with long, tangled hair and my belly hanging out over my little jeans. Why would you brush your hair when it's just going to get tangled again when you go to the park/wrestle with the dog/play soccer/dig for worms/build forts in the yard? Duh.

So, I am declaring it Father's Day in November. I am not waiting until June. I am celebrating it now and reflecting on all the time I have spent with Dad and how proud I am of all the things he has pushed me to do. It's very clear that my time with him in limited at this point and I am going to value every minute I have with him.

Physical activity is an EXCELLENT way to manage stress. So, each day that I am on the treadmill , I remind myself that I am releasing some of the stress and anxiety that I feel about my dad. I try not to feel guilty because it gives me yet another topic to update Dad on. This program could not have come at a better time and I am thankful for all the stress I have released on that wonderful treadmill.

Happy Birthday/Father's Day, Dad!

You wanna take pictures of WHAT???

Welcome to the digital age. We now have the technology to take pictures of everything and post them on various sites for the world to see. We take pictures of our family, friends, food, the outdoors, things we find funny, etc. etc. Most of these pictures are taken by amateurs (my "I lack all artistic ability"self included) and some are not all that flattering. Lighting and angles are not always taken into account, which can result in the triple chin picture that always happens when taken from a low angle. Here are a couple tips I learned from a photog friend:


1. Chin down. Always.
2. Camera should be at a high angle.
3. Face the light.
4. Stop with the "duck face". YouTube that if you need to.
5. Bootie out, belly in, shoulders back.


Simple enough, right? You would think so.


So, I was chatting with a girlfriend the other day about my Bikini Comp training and the program designed by Stacey Cooper and she said she would never commit to a program like this because getting on stage in a bikini would never happen. She would never get on stage in her double dark, shiny, SHALACK and prance around in front of judges in a bikini and stripper heels. This girl is in AMAZING shape, but is also a little shy. I get it. It's not an everyday kind of activity and I sometimes doubt my own sanity when I really think about the events of the show I have registered for. Lots of ladies will be prancing around in their SHALACK, bikinis and heels to show off the hard work they have been doing for the last several months. I know.....

It's
Not
Normal


But, it is a goal to work towards.


We were talking about alternative goals to work towards and she mentioned a Boudoir photo shoot. Apparently, this super-shy girl did a Boudoir shoot for her husband before their wedding. She did the shoot with one female photographer in a studio with professional lighting and fun music. There were different chairs, walls with fabrics of different colors and textures and plenty of props to choose from. She brought her own lingerie and her 30 minute shoot resulted in 350 pictures, 50 of which she LOVED and made into a book for her husband.



She said it was all about lighting and angles and her husband LOVED them. High five, sister!


As women, we tend to obsess about our bodies. We weigh ourselves, monitor the fit of our clothing and chat with our girls about any weight gain or loss. That's just how we are and any marketing exec with a brain knows that as well. Ever take note of the commercials during shows on Lifetime??


I was thinking that my friend was a little odd for taking almost nude pictures for her husband, but then I also thought it was a really great way to capture the beauty of her amazing, pre-children body. It's important for women to feel beautiful and documenting that beauty for future viewing is a great idea. I got to see the pictures and they were artistic and beautiful.


If you are more on the normal side of the fence than I am and would rather stick needles in your eyeballs than prance around on stage in a bikini, consider an alternative fitness goal. Take professional photos, plan a weekend in Vegas, a girls' day at the spa or buy yourself a new pair of jeans. The goal can really be anything, but it should be something tangible and should have a definite deadline.


Does "I wanna lose 20 pounds by January" ever really work? Nope. There is no plan, no date and no reward. So, pick something super fun, get a specific plan, grab a buddy and get to work!


GOOD LUCK!!

Stripper Heels, Spray Tans and Bikinis, oh my!

Yowza! Week 8 of training has come and gone. Where does all the time go? I know where it went:

~ The gym where I lift weights 3 nights a week

~ The other gym where I do cardio in the wee hours before work

~ Trader Joe's and Costco where I am constantly loading up on food

~ The fridge where I am always adding and organizing food for the week

~ Facebook where I whine and complain about my lack of social life/comfort food

~ Standing in front of mirrors quietly admiring my new muscles (keepin it real :-))

~ My BED!

I have always loved to sleep, but you never realize how important it really is until you have to set an alarm for 5:50AM. If I'm not asleep by 9:30 or 10 at the latest, the morning cardio routine just may not happen. I am soooooooooo not a morning person and I blame genetics and my warm, cozy bed.

One requirement of this training is tanning! Whoo-Hoo! Those Jersey Shore kids have nothin on me! Okay...it's not THAT extreme, but it is important in this case. I opted for the spray tan route because it's quick, looks great and does not result in wrinkles, skin damage or Cancer. If you think that all spray tans will make you resemble an Oompa Loompa, think again. If the tanning solution is good, then you will have a beautiful, sun kissed glow. PS...it also always makes you look thinner, tightens the skin and definitely enhances the muscles a bit.

My tanning boutique of choice is Honeys in Santa Barbara. The owner, Christine Starr is also training for this competition and she is wonderful. She is offering a 25% discount to all of the girls in training (listen up, ladies!!) and has a few tanning levels to choose from. I went with the dark this time around. I trusted Christine's recommendation (even though I was slightly concerned about resembling Snooki) and it was perfect. Who knew this super white girl with Scottish blood and blue eyes could pull off an "I've just returned from Carnival in Brazil" kinda tan. I'm hooked.


If you have never spray tanned before and would like to, there are a few things you should know:

1. It's done in the nude. It will appear as though the sun shines where the sun don't shine.

2. You cannot shower, get sweaty or wash your hands for 6-8 hours afterwards. Got me out of doing the dishes.

3. Clothing should be dark and loose to prevent the tan from streaking/staining.

4. Be prepared to pose as instructed by the tanning staff, which yes, does include "turn around and bend at the waist".

5. Exfoliating beforehand will prepare the skin for the tan. Dry and grody skin will eventually slough off and give away your secret.

Don't be scared to take a trip to Honeys if you want to look nice and tan in the Fall weather. The vibe is warm and inviting and Christine is great! You will stand there in your birthday suit and she will make you feel very comfortable and make sure you leave looking like you just walked out of a magazine.

I will warn you, however that your spouse/significant other will probably love the new look and will probably fully ummmmmm "support" the new tanning routine.

Enjoy!


HONEYS - 209 E. CANON PERDIDO - SANTA BARBARA - 805-963-8300

NICE COSTUME!!

Halloween is my favorite day of the year. I like it better than Christmas (God, strike me down), Thanksgiving and Easter (sorry again, Big Guy). I absolutely LOVE Halloween because it's really the only day of the year that people can display their creativity for the whole freaky world to see.

Costumes come in all shapes, sizes, colors and complexity. This year, I have seen:

**The obscure Pop Culture costumes (Jersey Shore, Flo from Progressive Insurance)

**The obvious celebrity costumes (Gaga, Brangelina, Justin Bieber)

**The sick and wrong costume (insert deceased celebrity and unfortunate cause of death here)

**The funny costume (Tiger Woods post-Elin-ass-whoopin')

**The clever, creative costumes (great job, Clockwork Orange girls!)

Also, anything where an infant is portrayed as food usually gets a giggle out of me. Poor little guy.

And then there are always those who should have thought more about showing the goods in their costume while at the office. Every office has one and no, I'm not going to post pictures of the "ones" I know. You know who you are and so does HR.

I always dress up for Halloween. Always. I have never claimed to be crafty or particulary creative, so I typically go with the all-in-one bagged costume where being warm and comfortable are apparently not on the requirement list. What is usually required is a fun group, a great party and lots of dancing in 6 inch heels. I'm not sure how my costumes went from Raggedy Ann as a kid to a military figure in fish nets and go-go boots, but ok, I'll go with it.

In previous years, I have been:

~ A Genie

~ A Marine

~ Rainbow Brite

~Schoolgirl (I think that one is a rite of passage in your 20's)

~ A Pimp

~Insert NSFW costume here

This year I dressed up as "I'm training for a Bikini Contest that takes place in 4 weeks. I can't drink, eat candy or splurge on a yummy dinner, so I am going to stay home, pout a little, stick to my diet and relax in my jammies" girl. It was very relaxing and quite possibly the warmest Halloween yet.

So, instead of going out to dance the night away in an inappropriate costume of choice, I stayed home. I did my usual Sunday night routine of cooking enough food to feed an NFL team so I can plan out my meals for the week. I made my weekly feast of 24 boiled eggs, 4 pounds of chicken and lots of green veggies. It's actually pretty darn good. My stove routinely looks like this on Sunday nights:

I'm not bitter (well, maybe a little), but I am ready to the competition to arrive. I will be happy to get back to real life in 4 weeks and dive into some Cinnamon Toast Crunch for a change. The night after the show I might just have some champagne, some chocolate and maybe even some well-deserved Halloween candy.

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

SAVE ME SOME CANDY!!

Viva La Fiesta?? Eh, not really.

A few people have asked me why I decided to do this Bikini Competition training program. Do I have a weight goal in mind? Am I trying to win money? Am I trying to get super bulky? The answer to all of those is "no". I have never been overweight, I have never wanted to look like a bodybuilder and I will not be winning any money at the competition. Am I crazy?? Well, the jury is still out on that one.

There is sometimes a defining moment that serves as motivation for making a life changing commitment. Inspiration comes in many forms and for me it came in the form of a picture. The picture is of me on Fiesta, which is the first week of August in Santa Barbara. Fiesta is a 5 day festival that celebrates Santa Barbara's Spanish heritage. There are parties galore, parades, dancing and lots of loonies coming out of the woodwork. It's pretty fun. I usually fizzle out after day 3, which is okay in my book. I always go out on Fiesta Friday, which brings me back to that darn picture.

Pictures can definitely say 1000 words and mine said:
* "I have not seen the inside of the gym in close to 12 months"
* "I wore this GIANT shirt to hide my newly discovered belly jiggle"
* "The belt I am wearing is seriously pinching what used to be my waist"
* "I feel unhealthy, unattractive and defintely UNSKINNY"
* "OK...I've had a cocktail or two. It was Fiesta, afterall"

My daily energy level was horribly low, I was hitting the drive thru at least twice a week and although I really starting to loathe my reflection in the mirror, I hadn't done much to change it. In one word, my attitude about my health and appearance were "BLAH".

It took me 4 weeks from that picture to start a new program. I remember going to the orientation straight from work in pants that used to fit, but had become borderline "donation pile" pants. Rather than buy a bigger size, I was still pouring myself into the same pants that were starting to leave marks me after wearing them. Do you feel me, ladies?? Not cute. Like, at All.

So, let me ask you.... What motivates you? Why do you run in the mornings, hit Spin in the evenings or lift weights at lunch? Is it your physical appearance, energy level, out of habit or something else?

WHAT INSPIRES YOU???

A$$.

Posterior.
Bootie.
Butt.
Ass.
Arse.
Rear.
Tush.
Keister.
Bottom.
Behind.
Fanny.
Tail.
Seat.
Bum.
Rump.
Posterior.
Badonkadonk.

How many songs have you heard about someone's read end? Chances are you have probably had the opportunity to shake what your mama gave ya a few times to catchy tunes like Rumpshaker, Baby Got Back, Bootyliscious or even Honky Tonk Badonkadonk. Why is it so fun to dance around to these ridiculous songs (guilty as charged) and why are we so fascinated by junk in the trunk?

A few people have asked me how I got connected with Stacey Cooper and her training program. I was checking out Facebook one day, as I have been known to do way more than I probably should and I came across these pictures on Stacey's Facebook page. Stacey owns a company called Booty Camp SB and delivers on her promise to "Raise Your Fitness Level and your Booty to New Heights". The results are awesome and the girls (and probably their significant others) are very satisfied.





This training program requires that we send progress pictures to Stacey for evaluation and yes, these pictures are of the SAME GIRL (not me). Stacey uses these pictures to tweak our diets, add extra cardio days, increase weights, etc. It's all science and Stacey has the plan. The training is hard, the diets are clean and the results are awesome.

These pictures are of one of Stacey's clients. You can peruse more pictures of satisfied clients on her Facebook. Click the button below to take a peek!



If you are looking for a trainer and a fun group of girls to train with, call Stacey Cooper. She is your woman. She will whip your Booty into shape in no time!


Stacey Cooper - www.bootycampsb.com - 805-284-3688.

DO IT!

6 AM Bootie Shorts?? Really??

I went on a girls' weekend to Palm Springs in June with 7 fun ladies. We stayed in a nice house complete with a pool and hot tub. It was a blast. I remember the Evite well. It had pictures of fruity umbrella drinks, lounge chairs and sunshine. It was just what I needed. The hostess only requested that we all bring the three B's: Booze, Bikinis and Bootie Shorts. These are totally appropriate for a weekend getaway to Palm Springs, but are Bootie Shorts appropriate for the Gym? There is one girl who clearly says, "yes".

I love to sleep. I love to sleep until the last possible moment and then roll out of bed, sleepwalk to the shower and eat breakfast in a sleepy haze. It's what I do. I am usually finally able to form full sentences after eating, but even then there are no guarantees. This is precisely the reason I don't go on morning runs, am never the first person at work and I certainly never grab a Starbucks on the way into the office. I never have enough time. Stacey Cooper would put the kabosh on my morning sleepy routine pretty quickly.

And then came my training regimen and it included 6AM cardio sessions 4 mornings a week. I was ready to tackle the required 6AM cardio sessions like a champ. It was not going to be easy, but I was willing to try. Try as I might to get acclamated, it the THE HARDEST element of this whole training program for me. So, I show up looking like I just rolled out of bed and hop on that blasted treadmill while everyone else seems to be buzzed on 4 cups of coffee. Why are these people so dang happy? How do they do this every morning? And more imporantly, WHY is that one girl ALWAYS wearing bootie shorts to the gym? At first I thought my eyeballs were still sleepy and maybe I was seeing things. Nope. She works out in the same Bootie Shorts every morning.

The first time I saw her, I was walking to the treadmill and I glanced over and saw a girl bent over doing deadlifts with all her business on display. Really? Is that necessary at 6AM? She is fit and is apprarently very comfortable with her body, but we are at the gym. Hmmmmmmmmmm. I was surprised by her wardrobe decision, but continued on with my workout in a semi-sleepy haze.



I saw her the next several times I hit the gym in the wee hours and yes, she was still wearing the same teeny Bootie Shorts. And did I mention that we were not in Palm Springs? I was also noticing a trend of men who seemed to workout regularly RIGHT BEHIND her.

A little eye candy at the gym can be motivating and people watching at the gym is pretty entertaining. If your loved one has suddenly picked up 6AM workouts, starts losing weight, feeling great and has tons more energy, you can thank the girl in the Bootie Shorts.

Thanks for the Pizza, Dad!

When I attended the orientation for this Bikini training adventure, my trainer, Stacey Cooper explained her expectations. We were to attend all required trainings, unless we were sick or otherwise indisposed. I remember her saying that "life" was going to get in the way and it was up to us to manage it and stay on track.

Apparently for me, life would get in the way in Week 5. The result was one super last minute trip to Northern Cali, yet another hospital stay for dear old Dad and one very welcomed Pizza dinner devoured by yours truly.

Many people who know me know that my Dad has been in poor health for many years. The same man who can kick my butt swimming laps in the pool even now at age 60 has battled a heart condition since he was a child. This year has been especially challenging with several hospital stays, a few signifcant strokes and his second heart valve replacement surgery. We joke that he just likes having his daughters and son-in-law drop everything to come visit. Or it could also be that he enjoys the pretty nurses who can't help but compliment his piercing blue eyes. He likes to chat with the nurses and then report to my mom who promptly and lovingly whacks him over the head with whatever is within reach.

On Tuesday of this week, I got a call from my mom and sister around 7AM. This is definitely not the norm as I come from a long line of serious "sleeper-inners". 7AM calls in my family are usually cause for alarm.

Mom said that dad had another stroke that morning and was taken my ambulance to the hospital. So, the plan was in action once again.

Pack.
Book one way flights.
Reserve a rental car.
Eat.
Call work.
Call family.
Get ready.



Last time we made this trip, I had packed jeans and sweaters for 110 degree weather and forgot a toothbrush and deodorant. Stress does funny things to the brain. This time, I was more organized and didn't have to cruise around my parents' little town sweating in search of a toothbrush and deodorant. Did I mention that they have only one Rite Aid?

Once we arrived and visited Dad, we saw that he was okay. He was alert and speaking just fine. He apologized for the panic and thanked us all for coming up on such short notice. The doctor gave him new medication and held him for observation for two days for testing. I'm sure he met some new nurses this time around and I'm sure he reported back to my mom who whacked him over the head with whatever magazine he was reading at the time.

After we left the hospital, mom mentioned that she was making dinner for us. Keep in mind that we hopped a plane last minute, thus screwing up my whole "weigh and pack" training diet plan. Mom served the yummiest pizza I have ever had. I had a few pieces with some pasta salad. It was then that I realized that I had not even had bread in 35 days and here I was devouring Hawaiian pizza with zero guilt.



As I reflected on Dad and my visit and my training I had a few observations:

1. I'm sure Dad will be beating me in the pool again soon.
2. Pizza is good, but getting "un-chubby" is better.
3. I successfully avoided all the cocktails in creation that were calling my name at the airports.
4. I did not get my 1 gallon of water in each day and I blame the airline Nazi who confiscated the giant bottle that was in my purse.
5. I resisted the temptation to blame stress and indulge in all the ice cream and cocktails known to man.

Dad is home now and recovering quite well. He will continue to fight all the health problems that creep up and mom will probably continue to whack him over the head when he mentions the nice nurse from Puerto Rico.

Dad is now in good spirits and looking forward to our visit in November. I won't be able to chow down at Thanksgiving dinner due to training, but I would like to take a moment to thank Dad for giving me a legit excuse to fall (or jump) off the training wagon and onto some Ham and Pineapple.

Thanks for the Pizza, DAD! (and here's to many more Thanksgiving dinners!)

Welcome to the Designated Driver Club

In reviewing my social calendar prior to this training adventure, I had a few things to consider. Could I pack & plan food for everyday activities, road trips, a trip to Vegas and eat enough during soccer season? Could I somehow contribute and not eat at the soccer fundraiser that I planned at a PIZZA restaurant? Would I have to avoid all the Sunday football gatherings at local watering holes that serve copius amounts of delicious fried foods?


One of the first events during this training seemed harmless enough. It was a concert at the Santa Barbara Bowl. If you have ever been to the Bowl, you know it is party central. Any place that allows you to condense 2 glasses of wine into a GIANT plastic cup is alright in my book. Someone (probably a woman) was thinking ahead when they implemented this policy, although I'm not convinced it was for the benefit of the environment. Carrying one LARGE cup instead of two smaller cups enables women who are now carrying fashionably LARGE purses, cell phones, ect. to usher their vat of wine to their seats with the greatest of ease while keeping one hand free in case an unruly section of hair gets stuck in the lip gloss. Did I mention that the SB Bowl can be a bit of a fashion show? And there is a hill. There is a long, super steep, glute workout worthy incline that everyone must conquer to get to their seats. Watching all the spray tanned, lip glossed fashion plate newbies navigate that long, steep hill in 4 inch heels (after said vat of wine) is highly entertaining.

Before concerts, guests usually pre-party at local restaurants or at a friend's home. Pre-parties start around 4 or 5 for a 7 PM concert. I have always enjoyed these pre-parties and subsequent vats of wine during the shows, but this time would be a bit different.

Before the concert, we met at a friend's house who lives near the Bowl. Having a friend who lives near the Bowl is very valuable. The venue is in a residential area, so parking is extremely limited. We hung out with our friend in the backyard and caught up before the concert. The wine and beer were flowing, the sun was shining, people were chatting and I was sipping on WATER like it was going out of style. My goal was to drink 2 bottles of water while we were there so I could hit the ladies room at our friend's home rather than try to navigate the through Drunk Fashion Plate City at the Bowl.

I noticed a few things while I was drinking water and watching my friend partake in yummy Pinots and Savignon Blancs:

1. People who are not usually chatty have LOTS to say when the buzz kicks in.
2. Being sober around people who are not is slightly annoying.
3. Water is not as delicious as Savignon Blanc in the warm Summer sun.
4. Snacks that accompany wine are more delicious than my salmon over lettuce with Olive Oil dinner.
5. People talk really LOUD after a glass or two of wine/beer
6. Adding lemon to my water did not help make it more exciting.
7. Being sober around people who are not does not get less annoying as the night progresses.

The concert was really fun. I had my feet stepped on, beer spilled on me and some old ladies who had a wee bit too much to drink elbow me in the head as they jumped around trying to find the beat of every song. I was happy that they only lasted a few minutes before they decided that they needed refills. Apparently, alcohol clouds your judgement. Who knew?

The band was GREAT, the venue is always awesome and the company was fantastic. I enjoyed myself, but definitely fizzled out early. I was ready to take my bruised feet, beer-soaked socks and tired eye balls home around 9 PM. But, I powered through and thanked my lucky stars that the Bowl shows must end by 10PM.

The next morning I noticed a few more things:
1. I was not hungover!
2. I remembered the whole concert.
3. I didn't smell like leftover wine.
4. I slept great.
5. I had a productive day at work.
6. The gym was actually fun at lunch time.
7. We didn't spend any moolah on a cab.

I'm really not used to being the designated driver, but my first DD Bowl show was a success. I'm sure there will be plenty of DD opportunities coming up for me between now and December 4th.

Call me if you need a ride!

Ummmmm...Road Trip???

When I think of Road Trips, a few fun items come to mind:

1. Rocking out to hours of great music.
2. Napping
3. Chatting with the husband about life's many mysteries
4. Iphone games
5. Car games
6. JUNK FOOD!!!

We recently took a trip to visit my parents, who live a mere 8 hours from our house. Ugh. It's a looooooooooong drive. I look forward to the trips to my parents' house for a few reasons:



1. Two giant Golden Retrievers - Murphy and Shannon, respectively
2. Lots of relaxation
3. Swimming a the local gym with dad
4. Hitting the fruit orchards in their little rural town
5. Spending time with mom and dad
6. MOM'S COOKING!!!

I'm a pretty healthy eater in real-life, but road trips are like a hall pass from reality, right? They are a brief escape from life's responsibilities and a GREAT excuse for burgers and fries, right? Those neatly packaged, uniformly proportioned, dripping-in-grease meals call my name while on road trips. I usually look forward to chowing down on a nice Big Mac, Fries and a Coke as the wind flows through my hair and Prince songs leave my mouth at high volumes.

However, training for a Bikini Fitness Contest is not real-life. End of Story.

In preparation for the trip, I had to accomplish the following tasks:

1. Let Mom know that I will not be eating her elaborate, Thanksgiving-ish meals.
2. Cook, weigh and pack meals for 4 days.
3. Apologize to mom.
4. Arrange everything in the car so I can eat every 2-3 hours.
5. Pack tons of water.
6. Use my Starbucks App along the way to find non-grody restrooms (thanks water).
7. Apologize to mom, again.

I woke up early with Dad to cook my own breakfast, politely declined the constant offer of fresh fruits and other goodies and packed Protein Shakes in my purse in case we were away from the house for a prolonged period of time.

Yes, it took A LOT of planning. Yes, it was slightly annoying. Yes, I wanted to eat the McDonald's that my hubby had the way there AND the way back. And yes, I REALLY wanted to eat mom's yummy dinners. But, there is a method to the madness and that madness ends on:

DECEMBER 4th, 2010!!

Elevators please!

Week one of Fitness Comp training can be classified as "OUCH"! Muscle soreness is a wonderful thing because it proves to your brain and your body that you have been working very hard, and are making a valiant effort to remove the bootie from the couch. During the first week of training, I was given my diet (eating 6 times a day), told to drink 1 gallon of water per day and participated in 3 small group resistance training classes and cardio sessions. Needless to say, my muscles were confused and made my daily tasks pretty interesting.

I arrived at work the day after my first legs class and found it difficult to do simple things like walk up the stairs to get some water. I will blame it on countless sets of lunges, squats and leg lifts. I was a little sore and tried stretching at home and drinking lots of water to get the toxins out. Co-workers who were now aware of my new adventure teased me about my slow pace as I avoided leaving my office unecessarily. I sat comfortably in my chair, listening to my Ipod and drinking my water as instructed. BIG MISTAKE!! Did you know that sitting for long periods of time to "rest" only makes the soreness worse when you get up? Let's face it...drinking that much water during the day will result in more than one trip to the restroom, which meant that I could not spend all day in my comfy, lunge-free office. Did I mention that the restrooms are upstairs? I campaigned for the installation of an elevator to accomodate my temporary disability to no avail. All I got were snickers and funny nicknames.



Did I also mention that I have stairs in my house? My husband laughed a little as I contemplated sleeping on the couch downstairs for a night or two. As much as it hurt to go up and down the stairs, I had to do it. I also had to get in and out of the car and I also had to go up and down curbs. All of these were a big of a struggle, but they were also a huge reminder of the adventure I had embarked on and how these 12 weeks would challenge me in ways I had never imagined.

Bikini Fitness Competition or Bust!!

Fitness contest??

Abs. We all have them. They assist in lifting, supporting the back and keeping the pelvis aligned. I have sported an impressive 4 pack for most of my life. I would like to take this time to thank genetics and my abnormal aversion to doughnuts for my beginner ab-attack. Metabolism slows significantly at 30, so age definitely isn't aiding me in my "sit on my keister and stay skinny" idea. I think about a solution from time to time, and it's pictures like these that really get my attention.

One day as I was perusing Facebook, I saw pics from a local trainer who trains girls for Bikini competitions. The before and after pics were uber impressive and the girls were tight and toned without the giant quads and man-pecs that I usually see in female fitness competitors. Still, I thought that people who compete in fitness contests are crazy! Right?? Could I spend 3 months avoiding refined sugar, fats, carbs and fun? Could I spend 3 months doing 6 AM cardio sessions PLUS evening weight classes PLUS try not to drown in the required 1 gallon of water a day? No flippin' way!! Or could I?

I'm definitely not the fitness competition kinda girl. I'm not a trainer, a hardcore athlete or a gym rat. I'm the girl who runs a couple times a month when I'm feeling chubby, plays soccer once a week (sometimes goalie), and walks 10 miles only with the promise of a Nacho mountain at the end (Freebirds anyone??). I'm a healthy eater, but an evening of dancing, cocktails and 2AM pizza gets me every now and then. I save Fast Food for road trips and wine for fancy restaurants, but then there are those days when I just can't resist the call of Mexican Food (my fave).

Could I really ramp workouts WAY up, cut out all the Happy Hours, burritos AND Tempura Shrimp sushi? Could I keep up with the the endless pile of sweaty gym clothes? Could I wash the giant stack of dishes and weigh and prepack all the meals? More importantly, could I endure the sore muscles, avoid injury AND resurrect the abs of the old days??

HELL YES!!