NICE COSTUME!!

Halloween is my favorite day of the year. I like it better than Christmas (God, strike me down), Thanksgiving and Easter (sorry again, Big Guy). I absolutely LOVE Halloween because it's really the only day of the year that people can display their creativity for the whole freaky world to see.

Costumes come in all shapes, sizes, colors and complexity. This year, I have seen:

**The obscure Pop Culture costumes (Jersey Shore, Flo from Progressive Insurance)

**The obvious celebrity costumes (Gaga, Brangelina, Justin Bieber)

**The sick and wrong costume (insert deceased celebrity and unfortunate cause of death here)

**The funny costume (Tiger Woods post-Elin-ass-whoopin')

**The clever, creative costumes (great job, Clockwork Orange girls!)

Also, anything where an infant is portrayed as food usually gets a giggle out of me. Poor little guy.

And then there are always those who should have thought more about showing the goods in their costume while at the office. Every office has one and no, I'm not going to post pictures of the "ones" I know. You know who you are and so does HR.

I always dress up for Halloween. Always. I have never claimed to be crafty or particulary creative, so I typically go with the all-in-one bagged costume where being warm and comfortable are apparently not on the requirement list. What is usually required is a fun group, a great party and lots of dancing in 6 inch heels. I'm not sure how my costumes went from Raggedy Ann as a kid to a military figure in fish nets and go-go boots, but ok, I'll go with it.

In previous years, I have been:

~ A Genie

~ A Marine

~ Rainbow Brite

~Schoolgirl (I think that one is a rite of passage in your 20's)

~ A Pimp

~Insert NSFW costume here

This year I dressed up as "I'm training for a Bikini Contest that takes place in 4 weeks. I can't drink, eat candy or splurge on a yummy dinner, so I am going to stay home, pout a little, stick to my diet and relax in my jammies" girl. It was very relaxing and quite possibly the warmest Halloween yet.

So, instead of going out to dance the night away in an inappropriate costume of choice, I stayed home. I did my usual Sunday night routine of cooking enough food to feed an NFL team so I can plan out my meals for the week. I made my weekly feast of 24 boiled eggs, 4 pounds of chicken and lots of green veggies. It's actually pretty darn good. My stove routinely looks like this on Sunday nights:

I'm not bitter (well, maybe a little), but I am ready to the competition to arrive. I will be happy to get back to real life in 4 weeks and dive into some Cinnamon Toast Crunch for a change. The night after the show I might just have some champagne, some chocolate and maybe even some well-deserved Halloween candy.

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

SAVE ME SOME CANDY!!

Viva La Fiesta?? Eh, not really.

A few people have asked me why I decided to do this Bikini Competition training program. Do I have a weight goal in mind? Am I trying to win money? Am I trying to get super bulky? The answer to all of those is "no". I have never been overweight, I have never wanted to look like a bodybuilder and I will not be winning any money at the competition. Am I crazy?? Well, the jury is still out on that one.

There is sometimes a defining moment that serves as motivation for making a life changing commitment. Inspiration comes in many forms and for me it came in the form of a picture. The picture is of me on Fiesta, which is the first week of August in Santa Barbara. Fiesta is a 5 day festival that celebrates Santa Barbara's Spanish heritage. There are parties galore, parades, dancing and lots of loonies coming out of the woodwork. It's pretty fun. I usually fizzle out after day 3, which is okay in my book. I always go out on Fiesta Friday, which brings me back to that darn picture.

Pictures can definitely say 1000 words and mine said:
* "I have not seen the inside of the gym in close to 12 months"
* "I wore this GIANT shirt to hide my newly discovered belly jiggle"
* "The belt I am wearing is seriously pinching what used to be my waist"
* "I feel unhealthy, unattractive and defintely UNSKINNY"
* "OK...I've had a cocktail or two. It was Fiesta, afterall"

My daily energy level was horribly low, I was hitting the drive thru at least twice a week and although I really starting to loathe my reflection in the mirror, I hadn't done much to change it. In one word, my attitude about my health and appearance were "BLAH".

It took me 4 weeks from that picture to start a new program. I remember going to the orientation straight from work in pants that used to fit, but had become borderline "donation pile" pants. Rather than buy a bigger size, I was still pouring myself into the same pants that were starting to leave marks me after wearing them. Do you feel me, ladies?? Not cute. Like, at All.

So, let me ask you.... What motivates you? Why do you run in the mornings, hit Spin in the evenings or lift weights at lunch? Is it your physical appearance, energy level, out of habit or something else?

WHAT INSPIRES YOU???

A$$.

Posterior.
Bootie.
Butt.
Ass.
Arse.
Rear.
Tush.
Keister.
Bottom.
Behind.
Fanny.
Tail.
Seat.
Bum.
Rump.
Posterior.
Badonkadonk.

How many songs have you heard about someone's read end? Chances are you have probably had the opportunity to shake what your mama gave ya a few times to catchy tunes like Rumpshaker, Baby Got Back, Bootyliscious or even Honky Tonk Badonkadonk. Why is it so fun to dance around to these ridiculous songs (guilty as charged) and why are we so fascinated by junk in the trunk?

A few people have asked me how I got connected with Stacey Cooper and her training program. I was checking out Facebook one day, as I have been known to do way more than I probably should and I came across these pictures on Stacey's Facebook page. Stacey owns a company called Booty Camp SB and delivers on her promise to "Raise Your Fitness Level and your Booty to New Heights". The results are awesome and the girls (and probably their significant others) are very satisfied.





This training program requires that we send progress pictures to Stacey for evaluation and yes, these pictures are of the SAME GIRL (not me). Stacey uses these pictures to tweak our diets, add extra cardio days, increase weights, etc. It's all science and Stacey has the plan. The training is hard, the diets are clean and the results are awesome.

These pictures are of one of Stacey's clients. You can peruse more pictures of satisfied clients on her Facebook. Click the button below to take a peek!



If you are looking for a trainer and a fun group of girls to train with, call Stacey Cooper. She is your woman. She will whip your Booty into shape in no time!


Stacey Cooper - www.bootycampsb.com - 805-284-3688.

DO IT!

6 AM Bootie Shorts?? Really??

I went on a girls' weekend to Palm Springs in June with 7 fun ladies. We stayed in a nice house complete with a pool and hot tub. It was a blast. I remember the Evite well. It had pictures of fruity umbrella drinks, lounge chairs and sunshine. It was just what I needed. The hostess only requested that we all bring the three B's: Booze, Bikinis and Bootie Shorts. These are totally appropriate for a weekend getaway to Palm Springs, but are Bootie Shorts appropriate for the Gym? There is one girl who clearly says, "yes".

I love to sleep. I love to sleep until the last possible moment and then roll out of bed, sleepwalk to the shower and eat breakfast in a sleepy haze. It's what I do. I am usually finally able to form full sentences after eating, but even then there are no guarantees. This is precisely the reason I don't go on morning runs, am never the first person at work and I certainly never grab a Starbucks on the way into the office. I never have enough time. Stacey Cooper would put the kabosh on my morning sleepy routine pretty quickly.

And then came my training regimen and it included 6AM cardio sessions 4 mornings a week. I was ready to tackle the required 6AM cardio sessions like a champ. It was not going to be easy, but I was willing to try. Try as I might to get acclamated, it the THE HARDEST element of this whole training program for me. So, I show up looking like I just rolled out of bed and hop on that blasted treadmill while everyone else seems to be buzzed on 4 cups of coffee. Why are these people so dang happy? How do they do this every morning? And more imporantly, WHY is that one girl ALWAYS wearing bootie shorts to the gym? At first I thought my eyeballs were still sleepy and maybe I was seeing things. Nope. She works out in the same Bootie Shorts every morning.

The first time I saw her, I was walking to the treadmill and I glanced over and saw a girl bent over doing deadlifts with all her business on display. Really? Is that necessary at 6AM? She is fit and is apprarently very comfortable with her body, but we are at the gym. Hmmmmmmmmmm. I was surprised by her wardrobe decision, but continued on with my workout in a semi-sleepy haze.



I saw her the next several times I hit the gym in the wee hours and yes, she was still wearing the same teeny Bootie Shorts. And did I mention that we were not in Palm Springs? I was also noticing a trend of men who seemed to workout regularly RIGHT BEHIND her.

A little eye candy at the gym can be motivating and people watching at the gym is pretty entertaining. If your loved one has suddenly picked up 6AM workouts, starts losing weight, feeling great and has tons more energy, you can thank the girl in the Bootie Shorts.

Thanks for the Pizza, Dad!

When I attended the orientation for this Bikini training adventure, my trainer, Stacey Cooper explained her expectations. We were to attend all required trainings, unless we were sick or otherwise indisposed. I remember her saying that "life" was going to get in the way and it was up to us to manage it and stay on track.

Apparently for me, life would get in the way in Week 5. The result was one super last minute trip to Northern Cali, yet another hospital stay for dear old Dad and one very welcomed Pizza dinner devoured by yours truly.

Many people who know me know that my Dad has been in poor health for many years. The same man who can kick my butt swimming laps in the pool even now at age 60 has battled a heart condition since he was a child. This year has been especially challenging with several hospital stays, a few signifcant strokes and his second heart valve replacement surgery. We joke that he just likes having his daughters and son-in-law drop everything to come visit. Or it could also be that he enjoys the pretty nurses who can't help but compliment his piercing blue eyes. He likes to chat with the nurses and then report to my mom who promptly and lovingly whacks him over the head with whatever is within reach.

On Tuesday of this week, I got a call from my mom and sister around 7AM. This is definitely not the norm as I come from a long line of serious "sleeper-inners". 7AM calls in my family are usually cause for alarm.

Mom said that dad had another stroke that morning and was taken my ambulance to the hospital. So, the plan was in action once again.

Pack.
Book one way flights.
Reserve a rental car.
Eat.
Call work.
Call family.
Get ready.



Last time we made this trip, I had packed jeans and sweaters for 110 degree weather and forgot a toothbrush and deodorant. Stress does funny things to the brain. This time, I was more organized and didn't have to cruise around my parents' little town sweating in search of a toothbrush and deodorant. Did I mention that they have only one Rite Aid?

Once we arrived and visited Dad, we saw that he was okay. He was alert and speaking just fine. He apologized for the panic and thanked us all for coming up on such short notice. The doctor gave him new medication and held him for observation for two days for testing. I'm sure he met some new nurses this time around and I'm sure he reported back to my mom who whacked him over the head with whatever magazine he was reading at the time.

After we left the hospital, mom mentioned that she was making dinner for us. Keep in mind that we hopped a plane last minute, thus screwing up my whole "weigh and pack" training diet plan. Mom served the yummiest pizza I have ever had. I had a few pieces with some pasta salad. It was then that I realized that I had not even had bread in 35 days and here I was devouring Hawaiian pizza with zero guilt.



As I reflected on Dad and my visit and my training I had a few observations:

1. I'm sure Dad will be beating me in the pool again soon.
2. Pizza is good, but getting "un-chubby" is better.
3. I successfully avoided all the cocktails in creation that were calling my name at the airports.
4. I did not get my 1 gallon of water in each day and I blame the airline Nazi who confiscated the giant bottle that was in my purse.
5. I resisted the temptation to blame stress and indulge in all the ice cream and cocktails known to man.

Dad is home now and recovering quite well. He will continue to fight all the health problems that creep up and mom will probably continue to whack him over the head when he mentions the nice nurse from Puerto Rico.

Dad is now in good spirits and looking forward to our visit in November. I won't be able to chow down at Thanksgiving dinner due to training, but I would like to take a moment to thank Dad for giving me a legit excuse to fall (or jump) off the training wagon and onto some Ham and Pineapple.

Thanks for the Pizza, DAD! (and here's to many more Thanksgiving dinners!)

Welcome to the Designated Driver Club

In reviewing my social calendar prior to this training adventure, I had a few things to consider. Could I pack & plan food for everyday activities, road trips, a trip to Vegas and eat enough during soccer season? Could I somehow contribute and not eat at the soccer fundraiser that I planned at a PIZZA restaurant? Would I have to avoid all the Sunday football gatherings at local watering holes that serve copius amounts of delicious fried foods?


One of the first events during this training seemed harmless enough. It was a concert at the Santa Barbara Bowl. If you have ever been to the Bowl, you know it is party central. Any place that allows you to condense 2 glasses of wine into a GIANT plastic cup is alright in my book. Someone (probably a woman) was thinking ahead when they implemented this policy, although I'm not convinced it was for the benefit of the environment. Carrying one LARGE cup instead of two smaller cups enables women who are now carrying fashionably LARGE purses, cell phones, ect. to usher their vat of wine to their seats with the greatest of ease while keeping one hand free in case an unruly section of hair gets stuck in the lip gloss. Did I mention that the SB Bowl can be a bit of a fashion show? And there is a hill. There is a long, super steep, glute workout worthy incline that everyone must conquer to get to their seats. Watching all the spray tanned, lip glossed fashion plate newbies navigate that long, steep hill in 4 inch heels (after said vat of wine) is highly entertaining.

Before concerts, guests usually pre-party at local restaurants or at a friend's home. Pre-parties start around 4 or 5 for a 7 PM concert. I have always enjoyed these pre-parties and subsequent vats of wine during the shows, but this time would be a bit different.

Before the concert, we met at a friend's house who lives near the Bowl. Having a friend who lives near the Bowl is very valuable. The venue is in a residential area, so parking is extremely limited. We hung out with our friend in the backyard and caught up before the concert. The wine and beer were flowing, the sun was shining, people were chatting and I was sipping on WATER like it was going out of style. My goal was to drink 2 bottles of water while we were there so I could hit the ladies room at our friend's home rather than try to navigate the through Drunk Fashion Plate City at the Bowl.

I noticed a few things while I was drinking water and watching my friend partake in yummy Pinots and Savignon Blancs:

1. People who are not usually chatty have LOTS to say when the buzz kicks in.
2. Being sober around people who are not is slightly annoying.
3. Water is not as delicious as Savignon Blanc in the warm Summer sun.
4. Snacks that accompany wine are more delicious than my salmon over lettuce with Olive Oil dinner.
5. People talk really LOUD after a glass or two of wine/beer
6. Adding lemon to my water did not help make it more exciting.
7. Being sober around people who are not does not get less annoying as the night progresses.

The concert was really fun. I had my feet stepped on, beer spilled on me and some old ladies who had a wee bit too much to drink elbow me in the head as they jumped around trying to find the beat of every song. I was happy that they only lasted a few minutes before they decided that they needed refills. Apparently, alcohol clouds your judgement. Who knew?

The band was GREAT, the venue is always awesome and the company was fantastic. I enjoyed myself, but definitely fizzled out early. I was ready to take my bruised feet, beer-soaked socks and tired eye balls home around 9 PM. But, I powered through and thanked my lucky stars that the Bowl shows must end by 10PM.

The next morning I noticed a few more things:
1. I was not hungover!
2. I remembered the whole concert.
3. I didn't smell like leftover wine.
4. I slept great.
5. I had a productive day at work.
6. The gym was actually fun at lunch time.
7. We didn't spend any moolah on a cab.

I'm really not used to being the designated driver, but my first DD Bowl show was a success. I'm sure there will be plenty of DD opportunities coming up for me between now and December 4th.

Call me if you need a ride!